Happiness of a Newbie

            Yes, she found him. Unexpectedly, but yes. Did they see their stars aligned? No. Did any of their life planning scheduled this? No. Does it feel that it was supposed to happen? Yes. A million times yes. Now that it has happened it feels that this was their destiny all along. Now that their path has finally crossed it feels like they were walking together for a long time now, just didn’t knew about each other. Of course there’s a story. Of course there were those exciting firsts. But for the relations that last forever, they don’t matter. The relations that have their roots and start strong don’t need their firsts to be special, everyday feels like a new day to make new firsts. And she wished this was her happily ever after. She wanted them to last forever. Not because they were bound now, but because they both had enough love for each other to last eternity. Of course every relation has its obstacles, but she felt prepared for anything and everything that came their way. With him nothing felt too huge to handle.

            She woke up every day thinking, one more day with him. She opened her eyes everyday thinking one more day to see him. She smiled through everything everyday thinking one more day to laugh with him. She slept carefree every-night thinking one more day to dream about him and the beautiful future she had been knitting with her tiny hands with the wool of their love. She lived everyday thinking she'll live eternity with the love of her life.

            She was quite sure about many things. She was sure that their love for coffee, music, nature, books and stories, myths and thoughts about them, pasta and ice cream, care, trust, everything bound them forever. And that thread of hope kept her together for all the fears she had too.  

            He didn’t realize that she was afraid too. She was afraid that one day he’ll realize that she is not enough. She was afraid that maybe one day he’ll think he can do better, that he can’t handle her. She is afraid that maybe one day he’ll stop loving her. What if her animated eyes don’t match his intense one? What if her silly decisions ruin his simple life? What if her light and curious touch doesn’t caress his loving and caring touch? What if her baggage over-weighs his tender shoulders? What if her slow and small steps don’t race with his quick and long strides? What if her sarcastic remarks over-wit his stupid lame jokes?

            She knows, even though everything feels so permanent, the way they talk the way they walk and live, it was not gonna stay like that forever. She knew better than that. Change is bound to happen. Change, chaos, everything is a very basic element of universe. Nothing is permanent and the things that adapt themselves to it can only survive. Even if it felt that this is her life now she knew they will have to grow with this change. Maybe with time most of it will change. But she still prayed that the love that gave her so much hope in life would stay that way. She wanted their love to mature with time rather than deteriorate with change. 

            Now when food is forgotten when they are together, she wants to eat with him in future. Now when they lay wide awake in their beds thinking about each other, she wants to snuggle into his cozy embrace in future. Now when they talk no family or friends are in the way but she wants them to mature and eventually add each other in their friend circle as well as in their family. Now when our love embedded brains don’t find money and career important, in future we encourage each other for our careers and support each other's success holding each other's hand.

            Every relationship  has its own path to carve, has its own journey to travel, has it own sorrows to grieve about and has its own joys to celebrate. Especially when it is love, it has its own ways to test the people who claim to be in love. Love tests you, makes you suffer for it for a very little amount of joy, makes you take difficult decisions when you are not ready for it, makes you choose between somethings you never thought you would ever have to lose, makes you see behind the façade of fake people even if it hurts you. People truly in love makes through every test, through every conquest love throws at them, through every suffering love makes them go through. The only thing that keeps them going is their bond, their love. It gives the strength to make through it. Most of them don’t even realize that they had been suffering this whole time, because of that one damn stupid goofy smile the other person throws at them. She could see them changing with the change, she could see them growing with time, she could see them thinking about each other before deciding anything.

            Now that she could finally see light piercing through her dark life, the darker episodes fail to dull her anymore, and even darker people fading off of her “now-unbothered” soul. Since him, she had been able to grow, to mature and learn to make a priority list. To pin point and pick the people whose words she let her affect. She had been deaf to the rest and dumb for the judgmental and mute for the questioners. She knew what is important to her now and what should be pushed to a background noise.

            She always believed in finding happiness in smaller things but she had finally found someone who is worth implying that in her life. She gets happy seeing him smile at her, finding his cute texts when she returns from a long day, finding her alarms in his phone to make sure her schedule is not disturbed, finding that he sees her inner beauty through all her weirdness she projects out, finding that he cares, that he actually cares about her health and stuff, knows what is important to her. Because all her life she thought in her every relation she’ll be the only one who is gonna do that. Its good to finally have someone who reciprocates. 

            So now when they talk she plays with a strip of her hair, when she passes through a mirror takes a second look at herself and smiles for no reason, randomly remembers their shared moments and giggles in public like a freak, smiles before sleeping reminding herself that how happy she is to find someone with whom she can share herself and her world, because finally, finally she can acknowledge the fact that they are sure of each other.

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