Pettiest wishes
For the longest time I thought there's a whole me... I couldn't be anymore wrong. Nobody's a whole them. You find yourself piece by piece in differently entitled people who themselves are finding themselves piece by piece. It is like you steal other people's personality until you feel yeah that much is me and you push forward to another person, like some netflix series you start watching until your favourite character dies and you find something else to watch. There are times you watch the whole series, those are the times when you stand by the person in whom you are not interested or attached to for the personality only, you want to see how far this goes secretly hoping for the forever.
There's so much of you in me, my heart brimming, spilling, flowing everywhere, So when I do not manage to keep you all in me, I fit you in my poem instead. Even when my poetry a crooked unheard voice never reaches your ears, I will always hope that on the nights where you go to bed distressed a nightingale whispers it you sleep. That is whole different story if you don't want me or the most vulnerable piece of my literature anywhere near you, breaking my heart and my will to write ever again. But again nobody is entitled to be anybody's. The anchor to my whole existence denies to stay, somehow I am expected to be fine with it, fine with the fact that there was a point in my whole span of existence my heart decided to be anchored down by one person and now suddenly you are off navigating your storms and me struggling with mine.
'I am sorry I shouldn't be rude.' I say, thinking you have harsher storms than mine, quieting my weeping heart longing for you. Maybe one day our ship of existence will re-attach. Maybe one day we'll come together, talk, touch, kiss and it won't feel like a delicate glass that will shatter any moment. You are the purest form of love I ever came across, No matter how dirty we tried to do it, however dirty we tried to do each other, you still were the purest my heart identified. I, my heart, couldn't help but hope for the same, that no matter how dirty i was, how dirty i did you, you will find the pure love I feel towards you.
You drifting away from me was like the test of the one that resides above all, taunting me to guage my feelings again, shoving unhappiness in my backpack when he clearly knew that I can not find it in me to stay away and be fine with it. I treasure the love and memories while he is off on his mission, giving a sad answer to his wicked question. Here's hoping to the 'happily ever after'.
While the most perfect things are always broken a little bit, I cannot help but wonder, what we had a different kind of break. A break where we didn't have to drift apart, where we didn't have to do things we didn't want to, where you kissed my forehead before going to bed, where you said I love you everytime you went away more than 6 feet, where I came to you to tell things because you are my best friend too, where I looked up and you were there towering a whole feet over me watching me do normal things and laughing at me for being so tiny, where we looked at each other and our heart smiled,where it didn't hurt this much like a black hole expanding in my chest. You made me wonder if it is necessary for the love to be incomplete to be perfect, now answering me with the bitterness of today's truth. I wish we could have had a different kind of 'broken but beautiful' where you and I are still holding hands through everything, kissing after every smallest of the victories, crying together in the harshest times, laughing at the stupidest mistakes, and mending the broken together.
Comments
Post a Comment